What if...

If pixie dust was outlawed
And the mushroom circles tolled,
If sprites and elves were banished
And the fairies gardens sold.

If unicorns were bridled
And the hidden doorways barred,
If men like you could have your way
What else would you discard?

If banshees all were silenced
And the vampires laid on ice,
If werewolves claws were clipped down
Would you really pay the price?

If all the magics of our land,
Could truly be confined,
If all the mysteries were lost
I'll tell all you'll find,

An empty place inside yourself
With nothing left to give,
So just you think on something else,
And let the wild things live.

Brought To Book

This poem is based on the true story of George Cudmore, an ambitious idiot.

He had a wife and loved her,

Maybe for a year or so,

Until Sarah came a calling,

And poor Grace, she had to go.

Now it's a risky business murder,

Not as easy as you think,

But for Sarah's touch he'll risk it,

For her skin that's soft and pink.

Why she wants him he can't fathom,

Not a handsome man is he,

But she loves him with her body,

So by God he will be free!

Oh rat catcher George,

He knows the score,

With poisons he's the best,

But getting Grace to swallow some,

Will surely be a test.

So he dribbled arsenic in her tea,

It only made her ill,

When she cried in pain,

To his damn shame,

He fed her poisoned pills.

With a burning throat and a raging thirst,

His dying wife fought on,

'til with growing fear and panic

George did call on Sarah Dunn.

Came she shakily to her lovers aid,

Hiding deep her shame and guilt,

To administer more poison,

Hid in roasted fruit and milk.

Grace succumbed at last, but it was clear,

Who had done this dreadful thing,

And soon the pair were locked up tight,

George a-feared they both would swing.

What a yellow toad,

What an evil snake,

Sarah's guilt he did proclaim,

Saying she alone did the curse'd deeds,

He was innocent of blame.

But the truth did out and the judge decreed,

She should live, and he would die,

And 'for a thousand cheering people

Bad old George was hung on high.

But now twists the tale in an eerie way,

After many years passed by,

Bits of George's skin,

Tanned and tidied up,

Caught a keen librarian's eye.

How this came to pass,

We might never know,

But I'd recommend a look;

At the killer who was caught and bound,

And was truly brought to book.

Betrayal

Vermilion,
She smiling said,
Is not the colour I most dread.

And staring down into my eyes,
She smiled a killers smile.

'Far worse than that
Is ruby red,
That shade I really do despise.'

Oh how I wept,
My life betrayed,
As sunlight sparkled off her blade.

And staring up into her eyes,
I knew my time was done.

Betrayed, in red,
And leaking death,
I paid in full for all my lies.

Missing the Point of Love

'Returned unopened,'

They'd writ it on her grave,

Respect,

 From those she'd tried to save.

Poor woman, held in such regard,

Was nonetheless so cold and hard,

She never took a soul to love.

Nor shared her heart, or part thereof.

’twas not an unkind sentiment,

The words were grave and truly meant.

She'd served the church and died alone,

A well respected lost, old crone.

And so, they'd thought, he ought to know,

To just what lengths she'd had to go

To earn his love, within his church,

(For that was how she'd measured worth)

Believing that her Lord approved,

She'd had her joyfulness removed,

And wore her duty like a gun,

To keep her safe from everyone.

A virgin, pure in soul was she,

Alone in death, aged ninety three.

And now returned to whence she came,

'Returned unopened' 

Is all that remains.

After Work

I saw you,
When you thought that everybody else had gone.
I watched you,
What you did there, when you thought you were alone,
I took a chance,
But really wish I hadn't stayed behind,
Now I want to poke my minds eye out,
I want it to be blind.

I'm having trouble processing the awful things I've seen,
I don't know how I managed not to scream and scream and scream!
I think I knew that if you found me,
That would be the end,
But now I don't know how I can pretend to be your friend.

I can't pretend that I didn't know just what you like to do,
To both yourself and others,
When the working day is through.
Now every time you speak to me,
I'm terrified you'll ask,
But I'm never, ever, staying late with you,
And that's a fact!

Revenge is in a dish..

I'm sorry Chef, you're under arrest,

It's hard I know, but for the best.

Don't worry though, we've got him too,

He'll not be coming after you.

Don't say you didn't do it,

Please don't claim it isn't so,

You were caught on hidden camera

And you really have to go.

You were fiddling with his starters,

You were spitting in his soup,

What you did to his spaghetti

Made the Health Inspector puke.

Really! Just what were you thinking,

When you dropped that in the pan,

Did you think we wouldn't noticed

What you rubbed over the ham?

Not that anyone here blames you,

Now we've found out what he'd done,

But we really can't ignore the fact,

You nearly killed his son.

Yes, 

Perhaps the arsenic in the cream 

Was not a good idea!

Next time, 

Better check who's eating what, 

Before you interfere.

We're Special

I know what you're thinking

And I just don't care

'cause left handed people everywhere

I didn't believe it

I thought we were few,

Well,

That goes to show you how little I knew!

Statistics will tell you we lefties are scarce

But left handed people are everywhere!

We're pretty discrete, 

Well...

That's, not, quite, true.

So watch out for lefties,

'cause we're watching you.

Yes righties, be careful, be vigilant, beware;

Us sinister people are everywhere.....

Desire in blood

She smiled at me
Through the candyfloss flavoured air,
And shaped a word
I could not understand.

I backed away,
Melting under her gaze,
Afraid to look away,
Afraid she might touch me,
Afraid of myself.

But
Quaking in my skin,
My own flesh betrayed me
Singing out a siren song
Of scent and heat.
Her nostils flared.
She knew it.
My weakness, my wanting.

That was then.

Shards of my sanity still remain,
Stabbing between her teeth and my skin.
My blood,
Such a small thing to give.

I drift, eyes closed.
Her hands on my skin,
All I can feel,
All I can feel,
All I can feel,
All I can.....



Feel.

Can a Bullfrog Fly?

A Naked Girl,

A carvan,

A snake with just one eye,
An armful of rare orchids..
Tell me
Can a bullfrog fly?

A precious gem, a hurricane,
A cat that holds a tune,
I have another question now,
What time of day is June?

A lion with a jackdaw,
There's a boxer with a lamb,
And a jar of small catastrophies,
That tells me who I am.

A harlequin, a swimming pool,
A sun that never dies,
It's raining in my tea cup,
Tell me,
Can a bullfrog fly?

Woolly Mammoth

I want to get me a woolly mammoth,

I'll keep him in the park,

But only when the sun is out,

I'll bring him home

When it gets dark.

Leave it alone!

If pixie dust was outlawed
And the mushroom circles tolled,
If garden gnomes were banished
And the fairies gardens sold,
If unicorns were bridled
And the hidden doorways barred,

If men like you could have your way
What else would you discard?

If banshees all were silenced
And the vampires laid on ice,
If werewolves claws were clipped down,
Would you really pay the price?

If all the magics of our land,
Could truly be confined,
If all the mysteries were lost
I'll tell all you'll find,

An empty place inside yourself
With nothing left to give,
So just you think on something else,
And let the wild things live.

Being Brave

I want to do something that's brilliant,

That's splendid and marvellous and brave.

I want to be more than the sum of my parts,

Is there someone out there I can save?

Barmy Betty's Back

'Do you know Barmy Betty?'
The orange parrot said
'She dreamt that you were coming
Now she's standing on her head.'

'Her eyebrows were on fire
And her strength was fading fast.
Now upside down the fire's out,
The danger moments passed.

'I don't know Barmy Betty!'
Said the woman to the bird
I'm here for Crazy Sadie,
So please, don't be so absurd!'