Don't upset the Chef

My daydreams, well, least said the better I think!

Chef. Don't say we didn't warn you,

Please don't claim it isn't so,

You were caught on hidden camera

And you really have to go.

You were fiddling with his starters,

You were spitting in his soup,

What you did to his spaghetti

Made the Health Inspector puke.

Really! Just what were you thinking,

When you dropped that in the pan?

Did you think we wouldn't noticed

What you rubbed over the ham?

Not that anyone here blames you

Now we've found out what he'd done

But we really can't ignore the fact

You nearly killed his son.

Yes, perhaps the arsenic in the cream

Was not a good idea

Next time, better check who's eating what,

Before you interfere.

And we'll have those knives back thank you,

And that bag of you know what

And we'd recommend you leave right now

Before he has you shot.

Kill you with Kindness

I don't want to kill you with kindness

I'd rather use poison instead

Or a gun or a knife would be almost as nice

Just as long as you ended up dead!

No, I don't want to kill you with kindness,

But I might use an axe in your head,

Just as long as it's painful and lasting,

Just as long as it's fatal and red.

So beware when you next see me smiling,

Don't believe that you're safe in your bed

It's a trick of the light

You won't run, you can't fight

In the morning my love, you'll be dead!